Sometimes I feel maybe our relationship has run it’s course and that we will be friends – this is the situation with many of his exgirlfriends and I wouldn’t want to lose him completely. One of them and a male friend warned me at the start that he is a lovely man but will never commit or be tied down, I understood the words but not the meaning, if you understand
So I never went full tilt into this…. indeed he didn’t allow me to as he’s an expert at scuppering intimate emotional situations….. and I’ve kept my eyes wide open. Though when the time comes I know he’ll leave a HUGE hole in my life – the thought of this is making me cry as I’m typing – I’m lucky that have great friends I can lean on
But the lovely feeling of being physically safe I’ve had with him is something I think I’ll miss for so much longer, his strength and confidence which meant for 2 years he’s almost been a security blanket I can relax in while I’m with him. The dependability of his steady routine while my life is sometimes chaotic, compared to mine his house is a haven of calm tho I sometimes find his lack of spontanaeity boring. While I’m at home I deal with all the day to day problems of life and living alone, and after having brought up 3 children for the most part on my own the time I spend with him is like timeout
The loss of the physical comfort and intimacy he offers from touching, stroking and cuddling will be huge, I’ve never connected in this way with any other man, and most men seem to have a bit of a block with cuddling
My father died 7 yrs ago and my mother in Dec 2007, 18 months before we got together. I’m an only child and I think I liked the feeling I got from him being 9 years older than me, almost like I could be silly and carefree against the backdrop of his settled lifestyle – does that sound strange? A break from the responsibilies of grown up life
Confusingly although I actually love being with him there are lots of things about him that annoy and upset me, my friend said write a list of pros and cons!
I’m pondering the possibility of staying with him and having another guy for sex although this goes way against the grain! Maybe I could then have the best of both worlds, if only I knew I could live with myself and not risk getting attached to both of them!
Maybe I should have taken heed of the reasons why he said he really liked me at the start…..that I wasn’t demanding, I loved his sense of humour and I liked touching as much as he does…….. all things that related to him, nothing about me personally……